I'm Too Ashamed to Die!!

I'm not scared of dying, but I'm too ashamed to die. Allow me to explain.

I am not scarred since I have a very strong feeling that I will (in shaa Allah, in shaa Allah) go to Heaven!! Don't ask me where this strong assertion is coming from (since I have no idea), and don't take this opportunity to make fun of me (cause my hubby, my mom, and my kids have done that already, many times).

But I am ashamed to die since I will be too humiliated when I meet many of the people I love and respect but have let down. Some of those are:

• The Pharaohs: Most Egyptians are extremely proud to be descendants of the great Pharaohs. Yet, I don't think the opposite is true. That is, there is no way that Pharaohs are proud of their offsprings. Us. What will I say if I meet the builders of one of the greatest civilizations ever? What do I have to say to explain where and how we are today to the discoverers and inventors of Monotheism, Philosophy, National Government, Architecture, Medicine, paper, pen, ink, 365 Day Calendar and Leap Year, the Pyramids, Hieroglyphics & writing, mummification, the Ox-Drawn Plows, canals, the steam engine, the key & lock, the clock, the loom, fiberglass, contraceptives, air-cooling systems, the fan, oil lamps, the Postal system, Carrier pigeons, Checkers, Rattles, Marbles, Bowling, Darts, Doll making, Mechanical toys, Zoos, novels, poetry, narrative, drama, Bagpipe, Trumpet, Wind Organ ....... OK I'll stop here, not because the list is done, but because this is ridiculous. It's taking for ever!!!
• Copt ancestors: for my complete ignorance of their history, for any injustice they or their decedents have been subjected to, in spite of being instructed as Muslims to treat all our brothers and sisters in humanity as we wish to be treated, that is with love and tolerance.
• Muslim & Arab scholars: Non Arabs are mentioned in the Ibrahim Issa post, while some Arab scholars are: Ibn Rushd (Averroes), Ibn Khaldoon, Ibn Majid, Ibn al-Haytham, Ibn Bajjah, Al-Idrisi, Ibn Abi Ishaq, Al-Kindi, Al-Muqaddasi, .......
• My African brothers and sisters: for despite of being victims of the racism of the white man, we do not shy from being bigots ourselves.
  
• The Egyptians and even non-Egyptians who were part of the renaissance that started in the late 1800s: How will I explain the collapse of the they have started and which we should have carried on to recreate our old glory? What is there to say to Mohammed Abdo, Kasem Amin, Rifa3a el Hahtawi, Taha Hussein, El 3akad, Mustafa Musharafa, Samira Mousa, Ahmed Lutfi el Sayed, Asia, Naguib Basha Mahfouz (Naguib Mahfouz the novilist has only died recently, so no explanation is necessary), Seyed Darweesh, Louis Awad, Tawfiq el Hakeem, Nageeb el Rehani, Leila Murad, Om Kalthoum, Abdel Wahab, Shawky, Bayrum,.....and many many more.
• And finally, how will I ever be able to apologize enough to the prophet and messenger who was sent to complete the message of the previous prophets, which main purpose was to instill ethics and morals in all humans, but we managed to use religion as an excuse for hatred and quarrel.
  

So until I find some real good excuses, please let me make myself very very clear: "I AM NOT READY TO DIE!!!!"